Anyone for a joke thread?

[cactus jack]

Apparently following the covid lock down, 52.8% of the population now like to go outside and stare at trees.

I think that is just static sticks

[bill.advanced]

Burke had taken his wife to the plushest restaurant to celebrate their wedding anniversary. They'd actually eaten very little but the bill came to a staggering £200.
'Why so much?' spluttered Burke. 'We only had the main course and two glasses of wine.'
'Ah. Yes, sir,' said the smart-alec waiter. 'But there were other things, nuts, apples, crisps, bread, butter.'
'But we never touched them,' protested Burke.
'No, but they were there if you'd wanted to,' sneered the waiter.
'All right,' said Burke. 'It's £200 less £195 for making advances to my wife.'
'But I never laid a finger on her!' said the waiter.
'No,' said Burke. 'But she was there if you'd wanted to!'

[bill.advanced]

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[cactus jack]

Top tip for all members

If you break down in a standard electric car you can use the AA.
If, however, you break down in a small electric car you will have to use the AAA.

[bill.advanced]

This is brilliant

[MEDIA=youtube]i05gKtHWjGY[/MEDIA]